Birthdays and Bright Side

Oh deary me, another one has come. Isn't it terrible. I'm sure it's a sign of the continuation of life or something but honestly, the things it does to people. It's strange. I can't get my head around it. I think everyone is bi-polar. They feel one thing one second and another the next. Don't call it humanity, that's just cliche. And I've had enough of cliche's this fine - not all that fine, its raining - day. There are people crying and people walking and people driving and people arguing over who got flowers, who didn't get flowers, who wants flowers and who wants nothing. People say they don't want something, the decide they do at the last minute. People say they want nothing but never say out loud that they do. It's impossible to understand. Maybe that's why God is dead, or maybe he didn't, maybe he just left because he was so sick of how we turned out to be.

CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE CLICHE


Mumford & Sons

Age should not be taken for granted

Today I ask the world: Is today different?

The answer? I am beyond answering. It is impossible to describe the thoughts of age through English words, or any words. It is an odd feeling, I can say that. I've never really thought about age in this way before. As though it is limited and birthday's shall soon be gone. Perhaps it's just because I'm realising that I'm actually growing up, and this is it.

No more brooding, now is a time for celebration, I think? Would I be predictable if I said I had stopped writing my Epic novel? Probably. That's a stupid question. I don't know, I just don't find it imaginative enough. If I'm writing something I don't want it to only reflect my depressing thoughts on life and death and judgement. I want it to entertain and teach and inspire. I really don't think my epic novel was going down that direction. I admit the summary I wrote for it did have that kind of twang I was searching for, but if I compare it to similar works it lacks something. Right now I am re-reading the Harry Potter Series and the writing (especially in the first one) is so catchy and addictive. I need to produce something fun like J.K. Rowling has, or something beautiful like Meg Rosoff. I need to accomplish this to actually write a book.

My Opinion. Will probably fail.

Point of this rant is that yesterday was my birthday (although Blogger will probably say it still is, what with time differences and all) and I loved it.

Be careful what you wish for

Birthdays are always strange times of the year for me, more so now that I'm getting to the point of actual aging. Before when I was still a kid birthdays weren't about getting older, they were about presents and cake and friends and being the center of attention for a day. Now, they almost symbolize things. They symbolize moments in your life: growing up, restrictions, responsibility, maturing and relationships. On the coming Saturday I will be able to watch restricted movies and go to concerts by myself. I will be halfway through one person's life a thousand years ago. Growing up seems quite strange to me now. When I think about older people having birthday's, I just think of it as a day instead of them being a whole year older, when they're not really. Because how can you say that that one day means they're a whole year older when in fact they were pretty much the same age the day before, it's just recorded now.

I'm thinking that since I shall soon be 15 it's time to think more about myself. Not in a grown up way, I still want to be a kid but it's only lately that I've really started thinking about myself and how I look and how I act and if I'm really happy with who I'm becoming. I think this is the beginning. My life finally starts here and I think I'm excited, but I'm a little scared as well, because not to long ago being this age was just a dream and I thought being this age would feel old and I would have power or something. But I don't. I feel pretty much the same health wise. I've just realised.

This is it. It's going to be gone soon.

What do we do?

Enjoy it.

Sometimes I wish I could erase certain memories and go over them again, try again, but in a different way with different people or in a different place. I wish I could replay my life and realise at a younger age how shallow I was, and can still be. It's almost like when I was 11 years old and I fell in love with words I could create something beautiful but outside I was still a rotten kid who didn't really care about other people or what things meant or what life meant. I wish that I was still innocent back then and could have been a kid for longer. It's almost to late now. Soon I'll have to really grow up and when that happens, there really will be no going back.