Have you been eating bunnies?

It's the holidays. Whoooo! Oh yeah, I'm so totally not really that excited. The year is going to quick for my taste. Winter seemed non-existent. Not to long ago I was complaining about going to school again and wishing for the next set of holidays. Now they're here. It's already been nearly three months since I started writing this blog and I can already picture Christmas. There's something wrong with the world. It's like we're jumping on a time loop, fast forwarding accidentally, like maybe someone's sitting on the remote or theirs some dodgy wiring. I'm finding myself sitting alone and trying to remember everything that happened day and finding that I can't. I can't remember anything. So far most things come back to me but I can't help wondering why that is. Is it just me? Or is it something else?

I think this year has been good. I mean, I went to England and I started year ten and I turned fifteen and I've been single all year and pretty happy about it. I've declared my love and found a true friend and made some new ones. I've seen a true hero of mine perform on stage and seen one of my favourite bands live but I feel as though there is something missing, like I'm forgetting something. Like maybe when someone sat on the remote my head skipped a few weeks or months and now I'm here, wondering what went wrong.

The year seems incomplete. There is this gap and it needs filling and so far I haven't found something that fits and I'm not really sure that I ever will. I'm excited for next year because I'll be in upper school and high school will be over soon but I'm sure I'm exactly ready for it. I'm not entirely positive that when I get there I'll know what to do and if I'll be able to cope. I'm far to complicated for my own good. It's hurting my head.

I'M ALWAYS FUCKING TIRED!

It has been exactly one week since my brother's birthday, which is odd, because he has officially been cursed for exactly one week. Funny, how I haven't really thought about that until now. And I'm in health so that makes no sense.

Someone just said they were tired which is a handy thing to hear because well, you can see by the title, this is a post about being tired. I'm tired, Charlotte is tired, that random person is tired. Everyone is always tired! Well, good reason to be tired. I had one extravagant day yesterday. Apparently I am one good looking vampire and the father of Bridgette's new found crush. Not that I can disagree, he is undeniably adorable. Although I'll always prefer John Connor. He has the hair. Until he cut it all off. Now he has not a whole lot of hair, but oh well. He's still super duperly adorable and just awesome. What with trying to save the world and all that.

Meanwhile, Bridgette's new found crush...

Do a dare delve into the world of Angel? I could, but I'm afraid I may never shut up. Isn't it funny that Angel's son is called Connor and I love a John Connor? Oh, and the actor who plays Connors name is Vincent. He he, makes him cooler because you know, Vincent Price.

THE ABOMINABLE DOCTOR PHIBES!

The last time I tried to upload a photo on the school computers it nearly blew up, I'm not sure I should try again. I suppose I could post some later on...

Being dead is a tragic thing. Especially when you're hungry. And at school. And your feet are cold. And you want to watch Angel and make your mini dramatic movie and edit photo's and sleep and read Harry Potter and eat and sleep and be anywhere but here.

May I add that the idea of school becomes pointless after seven years? We are re-learning everything, wasting precious time we could be using to create art or to save the world or stop world hunger. If we had the choice of continuing with school, I think a lot of people would be happier. Being forced to stay in a place for the best years of your life is ridiculous. They say you have to have 80% attendance each semester but honestly, what are you going to miss that you'll use in your later life.

It's completely barbaric and I just quoted Hermione so I feel cool.

In a writing mood. How strange

I will be honest. I haven't been writing all these days, and definitely not constantly in more then a year. I've had a few bursts, but lately I've been thinking about other things like film, scripts and general ughness. That being school. But I am feeling quite proud because I have an urge. It's amazing this thing I'm feeling. I feel as though I can write again. At least I'm thinking about writing. That's a sure sign of something new. I know my epic novel idea kind of failed. I can admit that. But I think it was just too average of me. It wasn't getting the right message across. In fact, that's probably because I didn't know what that message was. Perhaps in a later time I will know. There are almost hundreds of idea's that I've had in this lifetime and I don't think I've forgotten them. they still exist on scraps around the place. I find them all the time. It's good fun.

Reading Harry Potter once more has enlightened me to an old and magical idea I once had. I planned thoroughly for it last September and then kind of, left it. But now, after finding the majority of my notes I have decided to try again. I like it, the feeling I mentioned before. It's almost like I'm back to being me again. I've missed being well and truly me. I know I've changed a bit, what with the film and the way I'm acting and general school and all that but there has been a part of me that I know will never change that has been missing. It's been lost in the back of my head.

I think I may have found it, but I cannot be sure. I'm never sure these days, I don't hope. I just think. Sometimes they happen, sometimes they don't. I getting better at guessing, but that eventually leads to hope which I'm trying to avoid. I'm getting my life back on track. It's about time. It's getting better. I just need to practice.

My mother should read this. She'd reconsider her opinions about my life.
At least, she should.

Spies

Enlightened by many things today

Coldplay

STRAWBERRY SWING!



J.K. Rowling

HARRY POTTER



BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Although, in the case of school work, I am a non succeeding failure because I flunked one maths test. I got told that there are rules in this house and I am to follow them. I will graduate high school with flying colours and I will get a place at university. I will? Will I? I don't even know
if I want to. I read on a card my English teacher handed to me today and apparently I am part of the Gifted and Talented Program. How can I be part of this program if I don't necessarily feel gifted and talented. What does that even mean?

I've been told my entire life that I am smart and gifted and great and blah blah blah. But I really don't think I am. My mother tells me I will be top of the class. What if I don't want to be. I really don't think my fate rests on me being the top of maths class, surely. It can't, that's pretty darn impossible.

Irony is a nifty thing. Thinking that this year is going rather great has jinxed the eventual outcome. Something terrible is going to happen. I can feel it. I'm going mad. I can hear things in my head. I can sense something is coming. It's not a maths test, I'm sure of that. And it's not Judgement Day, not yet.

It's fate. I'm never going to escape. I'm stuck here. Forever.

I'm stuck in my head.