The first day of freedom and it's also Voldemort's birthday?

The above statement makes none or little sense, it is true. You see at around 6am this morning the parentals departed this city to a land far far away. This leaves I and my brother alone, until Monday night. If I were them I'd be feeling a little worried but well...ah...never mind. I should have told them my blog address and post all of the many wonderful happenings every few minutes but that would probably just cause silly spam. And we don't want that, definitely not.

Well, since then I have watched an episode of Angel, showered, dressed, fed the cats, cleaned up their pee, drank some coffee, put the washing out, turned the washing machine on, downloaded a Matrix screen saver, opened the blinds, brushed my teeth and I won't go on...by the way that was not in order, I was sort of just writing as I remembered, which is a little sad since they only happened between 8.30am and now. Sad little hobbit. Sad indeed.

Want to see my new desktop background?
Of course you do.

Oh, and I want harm you if you don't understand the reference to this photo. It is Supernatural after all. Which remands me I have to ask Bridgette for season 5...

I was telling Bridgette yesterday (Friday the 13th, still haven't changed the stupid time yet...) about how I feel different. I act different, I dress different and I definitely feel different. And I need something to make this change feel right. So, I want to paint my bedroom. It seems rather silly, I know. Like it's not going to change anything, but I want to. I want to define me. These few months I have felt lost, incomplete, like I'm hovering and I can't find the ground. It's as though I'm stumbling forever, never balancing, never finding my way.

I have chosen green. As Bridgette described it, a nice hobbit green. Something like this.
Now, to wait for the dear father to return, and beg him to paint my walls...

Be careful what you wish for

Birthdays are always strange times of the year for me, more so now that I'm getting to the point of actual aging. Before when I was still a kid birthdays weren't about getting older, they were about presents and cake and friends and being the center of attention for a day. Now, they almost symbolize things. They symbolize moments in your life: growing up, restrictions, responsibility, maturing and relationships. On the coming Saturday I will be able to watch restricted movies and go to concerts by myself. I will be halfway through one person's life a thousand years ago. Growing up seems quite strange to me now. When I think about older people having birthday's, I just think of it as a day instead of them being a whole year older, when they're not really. Because how can you say that that one day means they're a whole year older when in fact they were pretty much the same age the day before, it's just recorded now.

I'm thinking that since I shall soon be 15 it's time to think more about myself. Not in a grown up way, I still want to be a kid but it's only lately that I've really started thinking about myself and how I look and how I act and if I'm really happy with who I'm becoming. I think this is the beginning. My life finally starts here and I think I'm excited, but I'm a little scared as well, because not to long ago being this age was just a dream and I thought being this age would feel old and I would have power or something. But I don't. I feel pretty much the same health wise. I've just realised.

This is it. It's going to be gone soon.

What do we do?

Enjoy it.

Sometimes I wish I could erase certain memories and go over them again, try again, but in a different way with different people or in a different place. I wish I could replay my life and realise at a younger age how shallow I was, and can still be. It's almost like when I was 11 years old and I fell in love with words I could create something beautiful but outside I was still a rotten kid who didn't really care about other people or what things meant or what life meant. I wish that I was still innocent back then and could have been a kid for longer. It's almost to late now. Soon I'll have to really grow up and when that happens, there really will be no going back.